Birthday Blues

So its my birthday today and I'm kinda bummed. I can't even figure out why. I think my expectations for birthdays are just too high. I mean, I have it in my head that its my special day of the year and so amazing, exciting things should happen. However, it looks like its just going to be a boring day of homework and class. I mean, I have a stinkin evening class for pete's sake and I didn't even so much as get a happy birthday let alone a good morning from my roomates (although my sister did redeem herself and call me on my cell to sing Happy Birthday. Maybe she was just kind of spacey this morning when I saw her). Sometimes it makes me long for things that were...such as living with Becca because she really showed me she cared on my birthday and she did treat me like a princess (and I tried to treat her the same way on her birthday). The thing that is the stupidest is that its not like I didn't celebrate at all. I had a small birthday party on Monday night with mostly girls and it was a lot of fun. Then, yesterday my parents, (who by the way are the best parents in the world) came down to Regina just to take me and my sis out for supper for my birthday. Mom even baked a cake and brought it. It was definitely the highlight of my day. But now after those 2 days of excitement, today, my actual birthday seems very dull and unexciting. I mean, there has been a few emails and phone calls from people but I think what disappoints me is that there will be no form of celebration today which makes no sense because I've already celebrated. ARGGHHHH!!! Sometimes I wish I could just figure myself out and not be so dang emotional and sensitive. Sometimes it feels like that part of me is ruining my life! Which makes no sense because that part of me is what makes my life my life......grrrr it just gets more and more complicated. Sometimes I think it would have been simpler if I never had a birthday.

On the other hand, this birthday in particular has been very revelational for me. I am taking a class on Philosophy of Kinesiology. Basically its layperson's philosophy applied to kinesiology and health practice. Today we were talking about Ontology (the study of what it is to be human for those of you who are not philosophical). We were discussing several things including Dasein vs. Facticity. Dasein is when you view others in a constant state of change. You believe that others have potential for change and can grow and change. Facticity, on the other hand, is when you believe that who a person is is based on what they have done in life; what jobs they have had, activities they participate in etc. I realized that I am very much a Facticist. I am usually very pessimistic when it comes to people changing, especially if I had a negative view of that person in the first place. I am usually in denial when someone that I had a positive view of/had as a friend begins to change for the worst or change so that we grow apart. For me, once things have got to a certain point (ie. you are friends with someone) they shouldn't change. However, if I look at it that way, if people didn't change, I likely wouldn't have some of the friends I have today because we would have not been willing to expand our social horizons and get to know each other. So I realize that change is a necessary part of life but I still tend to have a Facticist view. When I get know people, I usually ask them what they do, not what they think or have thought in the past. Even when I say I "know" a person I usually only know facts about their life. I have been realizing this more and more in the past few years but now I have a term to put with it. I know that deep down I do want to hold a Daseinism view but I don't know if I can just change to be like that because it definitely does not come naturally. There I go again....stupid facticity!

Anyways, that probably made no sense at all in the end but I just wanted to get thoughts down on "paper". On a lighter note.....have you ever noticed that janitors at universities only clean washrooms in between classes so that no one can use them? Its definitely one of my pet peeves. The other day I was at the university and needed to use the washroom and take off all of my winter clothes (I had walked). I walked past 2 bathrooms before I finally got into another building and a third bathroom that was open. I tell you, they should send the janitors to school to learn how to do scheduling!