Retreat to Nothingness

Retreat to nothingness
To that hollow place
Where nothing is real
And nothing touches me

Where the world is just a facade
And this is not really my life
Its all just a bad dream
I will wake up soon

Where I can somehow in my mind
Be the person I want to be
Where struggles are not a reality
But then again, neither is peace

Tread on eggshells is all I do
Treading on thin ice, hope I don't fall
Holding things so tightly
That they will soon be ripped away

Claiming Christ is in me
Yet failing Him miserably
What is this in me
That just won't let go?

Destroying my confidence
Gnawing away at my heart
Eating at my soul
Stealing my joy

Until, confused and bound
I run to this barren place again
Where I am empty and void
And feel nothing

Why can't I just fix myself?
Decide who I want to be,
Weed out all the bad,
And then start living life?

But retreat to nothingness
Is all I can do
Frustrated and confused
I run there again