Ladies and Gentleman....Karen has left the building.

....and its a shame if you missed her because we are not sure when she will be back in this area.

For 5 days last week I felt real. I felt like who I used to be. I laughed, truly laughed, for the first time in weeks. I smiled as big and as genuinely as I had in weeks. I was able to truly greet people cheerily when they entered the gas station where I worked. My eyes felt full of life again. I FELT.....that is a big one there. One of my friends is going through a really tough time in her life as well and as I have been trying to deal with myself, I have been very insensitive towards her and her present condition. But this past week I truly felt like I could, to some extent, empathize with her. I mean, not like I could totally understand what its like because you can't really until you've been there, but when I stopped to think about what she must be going through with what was/is happening to her body, my heart broke. I would be at an absolute loss as to what to do in that situation and yet she hides it so well and appears so calm and collected. When I stopped to think about what it must be like for her, my heart broke. I felt that and that was the most I had felt in awhile.

But alas, Karen has slipped away again. It was on Monday night when the very same friends mentioned above presented a hypothetical situation involving one of our mutual/common friends. Even though it was completely hypothetical, as soon as I heard the words spoken, my mind was gone like a hyperactive hamster on a hamster wheel. In my mind I was no longer there sitting in the restaurant. I was already living in the future in the scenario I had created in my head. My friend could immediately see that I was "gone" and had switched just like that. Ever since that evening I have been in my apathetic empty state. I go through the motions of every day life but never really feeling anything. I have not even really had a good cry in the past few days. I can't even feel super jealous anymore. All I feel is nothingness if that makes any sense. My jealousy/anxiety seems to have turned into apathy. All I can ever say in resoponse to anything is "I've got nothing" or "meh". Like the world could end tomorrow and even that wouldn't phase me. It is just the feeling that my mind and soul have gone to some other alternate planet while my body remains here.

Last time Karen left, she took almost a month's vacation. I hope this time she's just sitting outside in her limo having a smoke or something. Hopefully she'll be back soon.

And now....random thoughts.

1. If the phrase "I love you" is overused, it seems to lose its meaning. People bug me and tell me that I don't say it enough but its hard for me to say because love is such a huge thing. If you tell someone you love them, you should really mean it.

2. The phrase "I'm sorry" can also be overused. Some people will automatically say it when you are upset but they don't mean it. Someone once explained it to me like this: "I'm sorry doesn't just mean 'oops, you caught me', it means "I see what was wrong with that and I will try my hardest never to do it again".

3. Sprained ankles hurt.

4. I hate fire drills.

5. I need a haircut.

6. If a relationship is a relationship at all, shouldn't both parties decide where it goes? If not, its a dictatorship.

7. Momma was right: letting go is sometimes part of life.

8. Its hard to admit you've been wrong, especially when it comes to relationships.

9. I love cranberry juice.

10. Massage chairs are awesome.

11. Why are the Sobey's employees even bothering to strike?

12. I like angry music yet can still cry during a good love ballad.

13. Wedding Date is one of the biggest wastes of film space I have ever seen.

14. Blockbuster guys can be passionate about their favourite movies. If only we were all that passionate about what we enjoyed.

15. My pool skills are not improving any.

16. I reckon my roomates and me would make some mighta fine hillbillies.

17. You don't really even need alcohol to act and feel like you are intoximicated. (I'm sure many people at the pool hall would agree).

18. I love milk.